playground diary

I’m scared of girls

I’m scared

of all the ways

in which we are capable

of hurting

each other

 

I’m scared of memories

of me

hiding under the slides

scraping my knees into gravel

practicing a face

that might pass muster

today

 

pressing lips into appropriate

thinness

 

trying to wear down

a body

that will never

be classified

as petite

 

squinting my eyes

so they are less

noticeable

 

scratching at the colour

of my skin

hoping I can bleed

the wrongness

away

 

every day

I try another way

to vanish

 

once

I thought girls were

better than this

but we’re not

 

and I will always

be afraid of us