the world is shades of gray
not black & white
he said find your truth
whatever that may mean
he said be the ruler
of your kingdom
you still have time
as long as you still have
breath
you are not less
until you begin
believing you are
Category Archives: short poetry
I said
I’d tattoo
every inch of skin
with a story
that no laser can erase
from your memory
I’d croon the words into
your skin
piercing right into
your soul
Can you still hear me,
my love?
even though I’ve left?
not enough love
I thought I could live inside your smiles
that I could absorb your happiness
and use it to warm
my tepid heart
I hollowed myself out
transformed into a shell
to love you the way
you needed to be loved
I emptied
until there wasn’t enough
love left over
for me
negligence
she put herself in a box
on a shelf somewhere, thinking: I’ll get to that later
and then never did
she woke up, of course
20 years down the road
as if emerging from a nightmare
she shivered in cold sweat
wondering how she could have
lost herself
trying to retrace steps
as if all of those years
– all those selves she could have been –
were really in a box somewhere
and if she could just find it
she could go back
to who she used to be
and start over.
no more of this, okay
I will not let you in
I’m done with wearing
this vulnerable skin
I’m done with being
some fragile skeleton
Instead
I’ll become the ghost of your
ghosts
I’ll imprint memories of us
until whether you’re asleep
or awake
my name
is on your lips
my image burned into your eyes
So that we both suffer
from this disease
and we’re both contagious
and volatile
and crashing
Because it’s your fault
I was careless
I trusted that you would know
when I wasn’t safe
when I was afraid
of misstepping
and having to leap out of the way
of your indifference
I trusted that you would know
when you no longer loved me
and that you would say it
instead of keeping me prisoner
heart break
my heart is going to take a break, okay?
Because
my heart is dead tired
and has nowhere left to go
my heart is wrung out
and no longer seeks love
out
no more flutters
no more trying to match
beat to beat
The synchronized dance
is dead
and my heart has exhausted
all its hopes for more
Than this
vagabond
nothing feels like home
nothing feels safe
like permanent ink
scrubs away with soap
even this skin I wear
stretches thin facade
too tight
and I need scars to remind me
of where I am
and who I was
people who were forever
got lost somewhere
traces of them left
where I’d rather not
remember
and nothing feels right because
a desert has settled
where my heart should bleed
and I am unforgiving
unknowingly cruel
I am a pair of dry eyes
dry lips
parched
for some sense
of the familiar
but the restlessness
inside me
picks up her feet
and keeps walking
ever in search
of oasis
I was right, wasn’t I?
I was right
I was right to end it
this is what I say aloud
this is what I tell myself
as I curl into
the creaky mattress
and remember the times
you were here
listen for your familiar
tread on the stairs still
a knock on my door
I strain in the silence
to listen
and feel
you again
even if it’s right
what I’ve done
I ache
because it feels
wrong
when is it okay to stop this
how long is customary
or morally acceptable
before I’m permitted
to cut the rope
and step off
the edge of us?
playground diary
I’m scared of girls
I’m scared
of all the ways
in which we are capable
of hurting
each other
I’m scared of memories
of me
hiding under the slides
scraping my knees into gravel
practicing a face
that might pass muster
today
pressing lips into appropriate
thinness
trying to wear down
a body
that will never
be classified
as petite
squinting my eyes
so they are less
noticeable
scratching at the colour
of my skin
hoping I can bleed
the wrongness
away
every day
I try another way
to vanish
once
I thought girls were
better than this
but we’re not
and I will always
be afraid of us
nancyornot 